


I'll Send You to Hades

by Speculative_Silliness



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
Genre: Cute Kids, Fluff and Humor, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Prank Wars, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Shipping
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:14:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28018326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Speculative_Silliness/pseuds/Speculative_Silliness
Summary: "Hazel Marie Levesque, if you don't stop that I'll send you to our father."His sister just grins cheekily at him.  He's made this exact threat more than once, and hasn't followed through.  Ever.  Hazel knows very well that he'd never kill her.That's okay.  She'll see, soon enough.---Don't worry, Hazel isn't in any danger.  But Nico might be when she finds out what he's done...
Relationships: Hades & Hazel Levesque, Hazel Levesque/Frank Zhang, Nico di Angelo & Hazel Levesque
Comments: 5
Kudos: 16





	1. You were Warned...

"Hazel Marie Levesque, if you don't stop that I'll send you to our father."

His sister just grins cheekily at him. He's made this exact threat more than once, and hasn't followed through. Ever. Hazel knows very well that he'd never kill her.

That's okay. She'll see, soon enough.

\---

Outside the Roman camp, Jules-Albert has parked a UPS van. Nico's going to assume he acquired it legally. Jules is less than thrilled about this task, so after the package is taken care of they'll be visiting various salt flats and burning rubber. Gently, Nico and Jules load a large box into the back. Quite large, in fact. There are handle holes in the sides, and it's marked FRAGILE, PROPS and THIS SIDE UP. Nico bends down by one of the holes in question. "I  _ did _ warn you, sis," he murmurs. "Have fun in the Underworld."

Finally he takes out the piece de resistance. It's a pretty standard shipping label. Nico writes  _ Hades _ ,  _ DOA Recording Studios _ before passing the marker to Jules, who finishes filling in the address. They close the back door and walk up front.

"Remember, you  **must** stay until the package has been signed for," cautions the boy.

"I do  _ not _ wish to anger my master, Nico."

"Yes. But the signer -"

"Must be aware of the contents, and must have the proper credentials. Alternatively, one Hazel Levesque may take custody." Was that amusement? "Upon waking."


	2. WHO DARES MAIL ME MY OWN DAUGHTER?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The "package" arrives. The recipient is unamused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I now have a better understanding of Ao3 punctuation parsing, so the weird commas are fixed (and will be fixed on subsequent chapters.) That's the extent of this edit. Thanks for reading! :)

The "package" is well cushioned, and Jules drives slowly and carefully. Despite the proximity, it's around six when the "package" reaches the final destination. It's barely felt a bump. The occupant is sound asleep.

By decree, Hazel Levesque may freely use the DOA entrance, and is to be afforded every courtesy. Charon thus takes personal custody of the 'props.' It's odd to row her across again. This time she's alive. He is about to pass her to some  _ spartoi  _ who will convey her home when he sees his master's Roman aspect. "She's not…"

"No," he reassures, "She's alive and well."

\---

Back home, Pluto shakes his head as he looks at his (adorable) sleeping daughter. This  _ is  _ a memory he'll treasure, but why is she in a box? Who would dare to  _ mail _ him his own daughter? This stinks of a prank. Transporting himself  _ well  _ out of earshot, Hades calls Hermes. "I suppose you found this funny?"

His nephew guffaws. "It's hilarious! _But_ it wasn't my fault, at least not much more than any other prank."

Ten minutes later, he's recording a video, face flickering between aspects. She looks so young, they agree. So peaceful and unworried. Between one blink and the next, a figure materializes. "I would tease you," whispers the messenger, "but she really  _ is _ cute. I think I might visit my cabin after this."

Hades sighs. "If not you, then  _ who? _ Who would dare to prank  _ me, _ other than you?"

"The culprit has 'threatened' to -" he silenced a giggle. "Send Hazel to you prior to this."

"WHO DARES THREATEN MY DAUGHTER?" This was rendered drastically less intimidating by the fact that Pluto was still whispering.

"This wasn't a prank on  _ you, _ Uncle. It was a prank on Hazel. She knew he'd never  _ kill _ her, and thus she didn't take his warnings to stop doing things or she'd be "Sent to Hades" seriously."

He groaned. "So, 'he' literally sent her to Hades. By UPS." This is _ridiculous._

"Not  _ precisely. _ The driver had no other packages, and a vested interest in her safety. The van was real, though."

Hades is beginning to get an inkling of who could have arranged this. He really hopes he's wrong, but one look at his nephew's smirk and he doubts it. It truly does please him that his children are happy and that they treat each other as family. However, their... rambunctiousness is getting out of hand. At this rate they'll outdo P - Jackson and Grace. "Nico."

Hermes nods with a shit-eating grin, and Hades sighs. He doesn't often take sides, and rarely pranks others. However, his son has unintentionally pranked  _ him. _ Combined with the tenderness he feels - he'll be aiding  _ Hazel _ today. 


	3. Returns and Awakenings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The siblings each wake up, and discover their situations.

Nico has ensured himself a rather large head start. Unfortunately for him, the Olympians have a...policy regarding "amusing" gifts. Or a precedent, anyway. "Nephew." Hermes nods. "I have a package to return to its sender. Would you kindly  _ mail _ my daughter to her bed in my cabin?"

"Certainly." He grins. "I'll even lower the fee, because this is going to be  _ good." _

\---

When Hazel sits up, she encounters a large piece of cardboard. Once it's out of the way, she sees that she's in the Hades cabin. In New York.

_ Nico. But how could he do this without me noticing? _ That's when she notices the paper in her hand.

_ My daughter,  _

_ Apparently, your brother has been threatening to send you to me, which you ignored. Thus, he has... _ _ mailed _ _ you to me. That's why you're in this box. _

_ I suspect that upon waking you will want to get Nico back for this in some manner. Your brother made a grave tactical error, Hazel. It apparently did not occur to him that I'd consider this to be a prank on  _ _ myself _ _ as well _ .  _ Do _ _ share our opinion of this incident with him. He has fled across the country, so I've asked Hermes to return this "package" to its sender. Know, however, that I would have been happy to have you stay, and you need not be sent to visit my domain. The DOA entrance is always open to you.  _

_ Love, _

_ Your Father _

\---

Nico wakes up around noon. He snickers as he imagines Hazel's miffed expression. She'll want revenge, of course, but he's gambling on her wanting to take it in person. By the time she can get here, even with Arion, he'll recover enough to flee.

This cheerful smugness lasts until he sees what's blocking his door: Hazel's box, retaped, with RETURN TO SENDER stamped on top. 


	4. Schists and other Valuables

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Repercussions.

_ Oh, schist…  _ The Ghost King gulps. Maybe he can get his sister out without waking her up? If he hides the box he  _ might _ avoid her wrath...but she'll still want to know why she's across the country. Blaming their father might make Hazel  _ ask _ him, and Nico fears Pluto will tell her the  _ truth. _

It just might be safer to let her sleep for now. The gladiatorial exercises she did  _ were _ fairly strenuous. If he's lucky she'll nap for a while longer. At least then she won't be  _ more  _ annoyed that he woke her up. Unfortunately, the box seems to be heavier without a dolly…

Across Camp, Hazel giggles as she senses almost two hundred pounds of assorted treasure scoot  _ another _ millimeter to the left. She hadn't thought  _ this _ would be Nico's solution, so her plan is working even better than she'd anticipated. He's futilely trying to get out without waking her up,  _ and _ she gets to watch.

"How's Nico?" 

Hazel smiles at Piper. "He's still moving the  _ package _ as slowly as he can."

"Because he doesn't want you to wake up." Conner nods respectfully. "How far has he gotten?"

"About…" She compares the position to that of the obsidian doorframe. "Half a foot. I'm surprised he didn't just shadow travel."

"He's saving his energy," remarks Travis.

"He's probably planning to escape the second you 'wake up.'" Cecil snorts.

"Nico was here last night, so he travelled cross-country at  _ least _ twice, likely with cargo." Will's eyes glint. "If he tries to shadow travel again today, Hazel, I'll give him  _ another _ three days in the infirmary."

Through the nearby IM, Frank says, "Camp Jupiter is prepared to…. _ welcome _ any ambassadors who may visit."

"I'll keep that in mind," Hazel replies. "But I need to do this personally. Does anyone have a better idea than Fedexing Nico to my Father? I may be mad, but I still don't want to risk him having a flashback."

"Isn't my Mom always telling him to eat more cereal?" Katie winks. "Send him to her."

"Or," Piper muses, "He  _ could _ be enrolled in Triptolemus' online farming program."

"Combine them," says Frank. "Enroll him  _ and _ tell Demeter. I don't think he's getting out of  _ that _ without Hades' help."

"Which he  _ won't _ get." Hazel cackled. "Actually, Dad might help  _ me  _ instead. Do you think I could call him?"

Piper nodded. "Use Percy's fountain. It's private, and he definitely won't mind."


	5. Collusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hazel calls her father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to an awesome commenter. Thanks, Sky! You're the reason these new chapters exist. =)

Hades is examining paperwork when the message comes through. He sets it aside. "Hazel."

"Hello, Father." She seems uncertain. 

"How's your brother?"

Pluto's sweet little girl smirks. "He's trying to get out of our cabin without waking me up because I weighted the box and blocked the door with it."

"Hmm. That seems...rather tame, Hazel." He doesn't really like pranks, but he  _ had _ expected more from her.

"Honestly, I thought this would be a very minor nuisance for him." She grins. "It isn't, but I still asked for help figuring out what to  _ actually _ do to my brother. We have an idea! It would be much easier with your help, but also you're the one person who can possibly get him  _ out _ of it."

He scoffs. "Why-ever would I do  _ that?" _

She frowns. "Well….Demeter might be smug. You might think agriculture is an unsuitable occupation..."

"Go on, Hazel." How does agriculture relate? He's getting very interested now. "Tell me about this plan of yours."

"Triptolemus runs an online farming school. We're going to make Nico attend."

There are few majors he thinks Nico would like less. It's definitely devious enough, but  _ making _ the Ghost King attend online school? "How will you accomplish  _ that _ ?" Is she expecting  _ him _ to enforce it?

"That's where it  _ really _ gets good." Her excitement is a little infectious, and he smiles. "We _tell_ Demeter that he's studying agriculture. We imply that it's voluntary."

Eyebrows raise. Involving his mother in law? "Now  _ that _ is pure evil. I approve." Furthermore, it's effective. Ceres will certainly enforce this, on pain of cereals.

"Anyway…" She looks nervous. He'd rather she just  _ explain.  _ "We  _ might _ be able to enroll Nico without your help, but having a parent involved means we won't need to try hacking or trickery." 

_Tricking him might not work, and hacking... Pluto_ could get away with hacking a god's pet project. Hazel and her little friends simply cannot. If his help can negate this problem, it's worth considering.  "All you need is a signature or two, then?" Besides, that's _ incredibly _ reasonable. He'd expected her to request some minions at the very least. His daughter clearly can do quite a lot with  _ very _ limited resources, and he's impressed. The return on investment here is off the charts.

"I think so."

It might be a  _ little _ more complicated, then. He can spare the effort.  "Deal. Let us...  _ prank _ your brother, shall we? However…" He muses. Perhaps he can see Hazel today, after all. "I do think handling the enrollment would be easier with us in the same place."

His daughter stares at him. She seems shocked. "Are...are you actually  _ inviting _ me? To visit?" Her voice is rather small.

"Yes. Hazel," he tries not to sound too irritated, "I thought that was more than clear from my letter."

"It - I thought you just meant I was allowed in the Underworld. I didn't realize -"

"You have a room here, you know." Apparently she doesn't know. He'd added it when he added Nico's. "I would welcome your company. Would you like transportation?" Hopefully  _ that _ is clear enough. Still, she appears conflicted. How frustrating... 


	6. Priceless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logistics and fluff.

"I _do_ have to get home, Father. Even with Arion, it's a long journey."

He'd feared her hesitation meant she was reluctant to visit, but this? This is a non-issue. Pluto can think of five ways to get her to camp before curfew _besides_ the obvious. "Not from Los Angeles."

She looks confused, then seems to realize something. "...I think I heard something about an entrance over there?"

Pluto nods encouragingly. _At least she remembers_. He's still going to make Nico teach his daughter to locate and use _all_ of them. "The primary one, as it happens. Dead On Arrival Records is the front for it."

"And….I can just _use_ it? You won't be upset?" She looks extremely surprised. Did he write that part in Greek? Perhaps the acronym threw her off.

"You can. Using any of the others may require giving some notice. As this one is closest to your camp, the staff have been informed that you're to be escorted through whenever you visit." 

"Really?" Her molten-gold eyes have lit up, and she's smiling. She _does_ understand this time. _Finally_. 

" _Yes_ , Hazel. I do wish Charon had called ahead this morning, particularly as you were in a box which your brother's chauffeur dropped off."

"Huh." Her eyes narrow. "Didn't he suspect _something?"_

Pluto shakes his head in exasperation. "Perhaps." He can't cut Charon's pay for this absurdity, as he might refuse to transport Hazel. _If he was complicit in this prank, Triptolemus will have_ two _students._

"Despite that, he followed his orders to the letter." Nonetheless, Charon's more than intelligent enough to handle contingencies. Must he really say, _Call me if you smell a rat?_ "Now, I can send a hellhound for you. You'll need to meet it at the border, and pack - will you be ready in a quarter hour?"

"I guess..."

"That's not very enthusiastic." Has he misread something? Hazel had been genuinely happy about this mere moments before.

"I just _really_ want to see Nico's face when he realizes -"

" _Ah._ " He chuckles rather ominously. His rambunctious son is _still_ engaged in his attempt to escape without rousing Hazel, then. Soon he'll see how futile it all was, and Hades really wants a photograph. "Say no more. Call me when you're ready - oh, how's he doing with your box?"

His daughter laughs, bright and joyful. It's an unusual sound for his realm, but not an unwelcome one. "He's moved it about nine inches, _total_."

He runs the numbers. The box is a bit over six feet. The door, roughly three wide. Assuming the box was centered to start... "He's less than one sixth of the way there?" He may need to have this filmed, or even televised. _How is Hazel watching?_ Then it occurs to him. "Did you fill the box with riches so you could sense it?" That's clever of her.

"I didn't actually think of that, I just needed enough heavy stuff to make him think I was still there -" Her eyes light up. "But it's definitely the best part! Half of his camp is taking bets on Nico realizing or shadow traveling out!"

He's perplexed, as he has been assuming Nico has overused his power and cannot escape in that manner. "Why has he not done so?"

"The Stolls think he's saving energy to run away later. You know...when I inevitably _wake up_." Her eyes sparkle.

 _So, Nico has an iota of power left to use. He's biding his time, hoping to regain more…_ The Lord of the Dead throws his head back and laughs. "That, as they say, is gold. Well _done,_ my daughter."


End file.
